May 5, 2005
- “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch” - Jack Nicholson
- “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” - Sharon Stone
- “My girlfriend always laughs during sex—no matter what she’s reading.” - Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
- “There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
- “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
- “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
- “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said, “Thyroid problem?”"
- “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
- “Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.”
- “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
- “Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
- “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
- “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
- “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet”
- “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
- “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”
- “When I’m with my friends’ teenage children, I always say, ‘Are your friends having sex yet?’”
- “I love the fact British men act cool whatever the situation so I’m planning to recruit there.”
- “I’ve had the same breasts for my entire adult life.”
- “People don’t change their behavior unless it makes a difference for them to do so.”
- “If you have a vagina and an attitude in this town, then that’s a lethal combination.”
- “If you act like you know what you’re doing, you can do anything you want-except neurosurgery.”
- “It’s my experience that you really can’t lose when you try the truth.”