* “Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain?” asks Borat of a group of feminists. “The government scientist has proved it is size of squirrel.”

* On his visit to Australia Borat starts a press conference in Sydney with the words: ‘Good morning gentlemen and prostitutes!’

* Very nice!

—Borat’s trademark quote

* I could not concentrate on what this old man was saying. All I could think of was this CJ in her red waterpanties.

—During feminist interview.

* In Kazakhstan Barbara means to eat and Bush means hair around ‘teste satchel’.

—Talking to an american lady about Barbara Bush (George Bush Snr’s wife).

* You have big bollocks!

—Talking to an American farmer about his Bullocks.

* You are retard?

—Talking to a retired American male

* I like sex!

— Talking about sex

* Jagshemash! My name a Borat. I like you. I like sex, it’s nice. These are my country of a Kazakhstan.

— Presenting his new movie

* My mother, she never love me. (Stifled chuckle) She say she wish she was raped by someone else.

— Talking to a couple of older southern gents

* This my neighbor, Nursultan Tuleiakbay. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock-radio, he cannot afford. Great success!

—Talking about his neighbor in the beginning of his movie.

* Last night I…I had a sex.

—Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch

* Her vagine hang like a sleeve of wizard.

—Talking to a car salesman - referring to his former wife

* In Kazakhstan, three main issues: economic, social, and Jew.

— Introducing Kazakhstan to America

* This suit is NOT black!

— Unsuccessfully attempting a “not” joke with help from a humor instructor

* This suit is black not.

— Still failing to make a “not” joke correctly

* My moustache still tastes of your testes!

— Speaking to his producer Azamat after the two had a nude wrestling match

* I hope President Bush drinks the blood of every man, woman, and child in Iraq!

— Talking to a rodeo crowd before singing the Kazakh national anthem

* I will look upon your treasures, gyspy. This is understood?

Confusing a woman conducting a yard sale with a gypsy

* Gypsy, give me your tears. If you will not give them to me, I will take them from you!

Still not understanding what a yard sale is

* They have return! And they shape shift!

Mistaking cockroaches in his room at a bed and breakfast with “shape-shifting” Jews

* My wife, she is dead…She die in ahh, in a field…

—Making conversation in “British Guide to Ettiquette”

* There is a smell…It smell like a shit.

—Making conversation at a formal lunch

* I like you, do you like me? In Kazakstahn we think America technologely very good, and now I see is a very primitive.

— Talking to a man who is demonstrating carpentry techniques from the 19th century

* My sister…she´s a…prostitute. (Answer: That´s sad, why?). She like to make money, high five!

—Making conversation to an elder woman at a formal lunch

* May I ask you are a man who does with another man?

—A question posed to a man attending the Henley Regatta

* Mow the fucking Bucks!

—Cheering on a team at the Henley Regatta

* Do you like a porno?

—Making conversation at a formal lunch

* Throw the Jew down the well, so my country can be free. You must grab him by his horns, and then we have a big party.

— Singing in a country bar in USA

* They do a bang bang bang in other men anus

—Talking to James Broadwater about the men in Kazakhstan

* We say in Kazakhstan, a man who goes to power, must have a big… how you say? (gestures to his groin). How you say…Khram?

— Talking to James Broadwater and a possible voter

* Every Englishman must have a hobby. Some like to collect the stamp, some like to make the jam, but the most fun is to a kill a little animal with a shotgun or rip them up with wild dog.

—Commenting on English hunting

* Is possible make a shit your house immediately, very urgent, I have problem, please?

— Asking a possible voter of James Broadwater

* In Kazakhstan we have many hobbies: disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis.

—Talking about hobbies

* There are many job opportunities in the US and of A. For men, construction worker, taxi driver or accountant. For woman, prostitute.

— Talking about the job opportunities in America

* This my friend Mari. I come here for massage and, how you say? Hand relief. Every Thursday, he clean my hole.

—At the Buitcha Water Spa in “Almaty”

* This one I have to pay money for, but she worth it! Wa wa wee wa!

—Introducing one of his many lady friends from the Best of Borat

* You think maybe Blair is a man who take off his clothes and let his chram go hard and put in a man’s bottom?

—Interviewing a protester

* And Gypsies, can they play or is best to keep them away?

—Questioning a bowls club manager.

* But if she cheat on me, I will crush her!

—Speaking with Jenny Noel from Great Expectations Dating Agency

* Zai had a good shit.

—After relieving himself at the same lunch.

* I love a baseball, do you love a baseballs?

—At a Savannah Sand Gnats baseball game, speaking to the crowd

* Is nice… Is a good, but I have… seen bigger.

—Speaking with a man on the street about his penis, after touching it

* She was voted by Almaty Chamber of Commerce as best sex in mouth. She is number 2, or 3, best prostitute in the country of Kazakhstan.

—Speaking with singer and country musician Porter Wagoner about his sister while asking for song ideas

* My wife, she is scared of men with chocolate face

—Speaking to a real estate agent, who promptly informed him that it’s possible that there would be blacks in the neighborhood, although anyone purchasing property in the area would be quite well off.

* My friend, Azamat Bagatov, a giant from Turkmenistan attack him from behind - (pause) broke his anus.

— Telling the self defence teacher about rapes in Kazakhstan

* My wife, she make very much noise when she do a toilet.

—Speaking to a real estate agent closing the doors to the bathroom because of his wife’s loud restroom habits.

* In my country we say to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous yes.

* I say this because, I had a very bad Gypsie attack…they stole my wife, plow… and they touch my horse in a very bad way… he got very depressed.

— Speaking to an estate agent about a house with a fence.

* Can I buy you?

— Directed towards an elderly employee at a recreation of a slave plantation.

* If you vote for him he will make sure you and your family have a good years. If you do not… you´ll be sorry.

— Trying to convince an elderly woman to vote for James Broadwater for U.S. Congress.

* You are a fat! (laughs) And you are little! Is very funny!

— Talking to a husband and wife after the formal lunch has ended

* Democracy is different in America. For example: women can vote but horse can not!

— Talking about the difference between America and Kazakhstan.

* Can I put a camera in the lady toilet?

— Asking questions at a job interview.

* Why Not?

— Repeated many times during interviews.

* Little birdie told me that Conan like to make a sex crime, high five!

— At an interview with Conan O´Brien

* Very nice! How much?

—To a random woman met on the streets of New York City

* She must be tight, like a man’s anus.

—Detailing his requirements for his ideal partner.

* We want to speak with someone who can vote.

— Talking to a woman while campaining with James Broadwater.

* Yes, I have been in a movie Dirty Jew. I play the one who eh… the hero, the one who shot him.

— At a television audition.

* Hello, thank you to speak me.

— Starting the conversation with James Broadwater.

* I am big like a can of Pepsi.

— In reference to his penis.

* You remind me my wife… why you laugh? She dead.

— Speaking with a woman at a meet-a-date roundtable.

* Please, you come see my film. If it not success, I will be execute.

— Presenting his new movie.

* When I come back to kazakhstan, i purchase ipod, my neighbor Nursultan Tuleiakbay only purchase ipod mini, everyone know is for girls! is nice!

— commenting on his return to Kazakhstan.

* Pamela… I am not attracted to you anymore!… NOT!

* Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest.

— Introduction to the MTV Europe Music Awards (EMAs).

* That singer before me. Who was HE? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine, how you say…transvestite. He was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away.

— Following Madonna at the MTV EMAs.

* Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls.

— Introducing Pussy Cat Dolls at the MTV EMAs.

* There is one singer called Shakira… sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, ‘Can I touch your shakira?’ or ‘I have seen your wife’s shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog.

— Introducing Gorillaz at the MTV EMAs.

* My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens.” “If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira.

— At the MTV EMA press conference.

* To the world, I love you! Apart from Uzbekistan. Assholes.

— To conclude the MTV EMAs.

* Why there are not any Kazakh bands here? Where is Gorky Buzec? And where are the Cock Boys?

— Hosting the MTV European Music Awards.

* If there is one more item of Uzbek propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for baking bagels, or export over 300 tons of human pubis per year, then we will be left with no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults.

— At a recent press conference in Washington, D.C..

* I will put this prize next to the only other one I won, from Central Asian Olympic Committee. For hitting gypsy with rock at 50 meters.

— Receiving the German comedy award 2006 as best international comedian

* I like a christie.

— Said to a hot girl named Christie.

* Is this the owner of the house you’re camping in front of, gypsy?

— Looking at a “Barbie” doll at the Yard Sale

* Fuck off, Death!

— Said while tousling with several costumed performers in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater.

* He’s out to prove he’s got nothing to prove.
* It’s Gonna Be a Dynamite Summer
* Same planet…different flippin’ world.

From WikiQuotes, here’s some of the best Napoleon Dynamite dialogue”

Vern: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do! Gosh!

Teacher: Your current event, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its residents, and all those who seek a peaceful existence with our underwater ally.

Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of ‘em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon: A friggin’ twelve-gauge, what do you think?

Napoleon Dynamite: Hey, can I use your guys’ phone for a sec?
Secretary: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon: I don’t feel very good. [takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [on other line, making nachos] Hi.
Napoleon: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she’s getting her hair done.
Napoleon: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I’m really busy right now.
Napoleon: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon: ‘Cause I don’t feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon: No, she doesn’t know anything… Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon: I’m not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon: Ugh! Idiot!

Napoleon Dynamite: Do you ride the bus to school?
Pedro: No, I ride my bike.
Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have?
Pedro: It’s a Sledgehammer.
Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks… pegs… Lucky! You ever taken off any sweet jumps?

Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that moustache?
Pedro: Eh… a couple of days.

Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin’ chips, Kip!
Kip: Napoleon, don’t be jealous ’cause I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to become a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

(After Napoleon tries and fails to hit Kip a few times, the doorbell rings)

Napoleon: I’ll get it. (Slaps Kip in the face while he’s not looking)

Deb: And here we have some boondoggle keychains. A must-have for this season’s fashion.
Napoleon: I already made, like, infinity of those at scout camp.
Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I’m trying to earn money for college.
Kip: [in the background] Your MOM goes to college!

(Deb shoves the case into Napoleon’s hands and runs away)

Grandma: How was school today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Worst day of my life, what do you think?

Napoleon: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesa-dilluh!
Napoleon: Fine!
(more…)